Last week I had a come to Jesus meeting, with Jesus & myself. The prayer & conversation that I had with the Lord, which lasted over the course of a few days was well needed, refreshing, and so rejuvenating. I feel like a new woman.
I hiked up Kennesaw mountain early one morning by myself because I wanted to see the sun rise, talk to God, and read my daily devotional book. When I tell you that scene was so breathtaking and beautiful. Seeing the sun rise over those mountains, over the city of Kennesaw, made me feel so small. And I was instantly reminded of the magnitude of the Lord and how he has blessed me, in spite of me.

See I have been struggling with my flesh. The desires of my flesh and all those feelings associated with it, such as jealousy, anger, pettiness, greed, etc. When I say I have been struggling, I mean I have literally been fighting against selfish thoughts and acts. However, this doesn’t mean that I haven’t given in to these things. Because I have. But, in those moments when I let my flesh win, I have felt so conflicted and not at peace. Saturday I told my boyfriend we were going to church no matter what. He overslept, I tried to wake him up, and when he finally woke up there was only about 30 minutes left before church ended. & I hate being late, so once again I succumbed to my flesh and just said I would stay home. However, he went to get dressed and came back to pick me up. And we went to church, late and all. But the message we received was well needed and for me, it further explained the feelings and emotions I had been dealing with. The message clarified everything for me in a way that I wouldn’t have been able to do on my own.

The guest speaker preached from two very powerful scriptures. However, the one that stood out most to me was Ephesians 4:31-32
³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
And these verses deeply touched me because I have been holding onto bitterness and rage, all those emotions and feelings of my flesh. I’ve been choosing to hold onto these emotions and not be forgiving or not letting go. But Christ has forgiven me, he continues to forgive me. So why can’t I? 
It was there at church, listening to these words, listening to the speaker share her story and how she has forgiven, that I realized I had been holding onto my flesh and that I had to and needed to let go and forgive because if I didn’t, I would continue to feel conflicted and bothered. 

See, the thing I have been lacking is focus. I have been focused on every other thing but the Lord. And these emotions have weighted me down. However, since last week, and especially since Sunday, I have been making a conscious effort to talk to the Lord. I have been praying daily, multiple times a day, and I praise him. I talk to him in the morning in my bed, on the way to work, in the shower, and when I get ready to go to bed. Things I could have been doing before, but because I felt so “busy,” I didn’t. I lost my focus. And even though I’m doing better, I can still do more. Focus more.

But I have been feeling so amazing lately. I am actively making an effort to be obedient to God, in spite of what my flesh wants. He has comforted me and eased all worry, doubt, anxiety, etc. It is not easy, but I am willing to sacrifice and grow. I know that God will strengthen me and encourage me.
What are you focused on? Have you lost your focus? The good news is, God loves us regardless of when we fall short of him. So begin anew today, and each day. Talk to the Lord and thank him, watch how he uplifts you and moves in your life. I guarantee you will see a change, I have.