I know that it has been a minute since you’ve heard from me. But in this new decade, I’m back and better than ever. Writing has and will always be my first love. However, sometimes, you need to take a break from things that you truly love because you don’t want to feel obligated to do so. I had a lot going on and I never wanted to write any blogs out of force and not provide you all with quality work, straight from the heart. And during my hiatus, my passion and desire to write has been sparked again. So here we are, in 2020 with our first blog of the decade!

 

Today’s post will be a reflection of my 2019 and a look forward towards what 2020 can hold in store. I feel I can’t truly start my 2020 until I reflect on my 2019 because 2019 was a heavy year for me. Things fell apart, things came together, and fell apart again. I cried, laughed, smiled, felt sadness, sorrow, and happiness. All in all, everything worked out according to God’s will and his will for my life.

 

At the beginning of 2019, I felt a since of urgency. I knew that graduation was approaching and that was constantly on my mind. It was on my mind, because I knew I needed to have some next steps figured out. So I spent the majority of the beginning of the year trying to figure out my next steps. I applied to jobs nonstop, no matter the location or requirements. To all my upcoming graduates or seniors, apply to as many places as possible! You’ll never know if you never try. Not only was I applying to places, I was also wrapping up my final semester, which was also a lot. I worked on undergraduate research for my Honor’s capstone, spoke at my school’s first annual MLK Luncheon, planned and hosted some events for my on campus job and other organizations, and tried to keep my sanity during my last semester of college. As I look back on it now, time truly flew by. However, it didn’t seem that way back then.

 

I became frustrated a lot during 2019. I was losing patience and faith because I felt obligated to have things all figured out by graduation, which was not realistic. During my peak of frustration, the Lord calmed me. I was blessed with an amazing opportunity to work at the company that I currently do. I didn’t understand how much of a blessing this job was until I started working there. And once I got this blessing, the blessings seemed to keep pouring in. I graduated cum laude and as an Honor’s scholar. Then, I found and signed my first lease on my first solo apartment. I moved in excited to work and embark on this new journey. However, my excitement quickly turned into something else, as on my first Monday night alone in my apartment, I lost the love of my life.

 

 

My grandmother passed away on June 10th and it felt like my heart completely broke. I loved my grandmother with every piece of me. She was and will forever be my girl. Coping with her passing has been the most emotional battle ever. Not only was I grieving, but I had to quickly turn around and start my first day of work. And I also began dealing with what life after college, living alone. This is my first time ever living alone and it’s definitely different. Also, dealing with all these emotions alone has been something else. Of course I had my mom and other family, but my mom was miles away & grieving too. My grandmother’s passing opened my eyes to a lot and emphasized my need for God in my life. My grandmother’s love and memories also inspired me to keep pushing in honor of her. So, I ended 2019 surrounded by loved ones and made plenty of memories with friends and family who truly mean the most to me. 

 

2019 was not perfect. Every moment wasn’t filled with happiness nor butterflies and rainbows, but every experience has made me thankful. 2019 important to my 2020 because I had to understand where I was at, where I came from and been through, so that I could begin to dream of what could possibly be in store. And I am looking forward to what God has in store with open arms and a welcoming heart. Thus, 2019 sparked my mindset for 2020. I don’t want to be stuck in any negative space and I want to continue to strive for better and for positivity. 2020 will be the year I do so. It will be the year I continue to grow with God and overcome insecurities, comfort zones, and doubt all while employing more self-love through God’s word and promises.

 

So, I said all this to say, your past is not your final destination. Where you are currently is not your final destination. You have a future, even if it does not seem that way right now, you do. It’s okay to reflect on where you’ve came from and where you’ve been. But do not place roots and live in your past, don’t get stuck. Allow yourself to reflect in admiration, knowing that your past did not hold you back, and then allow yourself to move froward. 2020 is the year to move forward and progress. Let 2020 be filled with plentiful opportunities for you because you deserve them all. And I am declaring this to be true for each and every person. Challenge yourself this year in some aspect and remember to always love yourself, because YOU deserve to be loved.