“I had to take ownership of redefining my sense of self so that I could discover my purpose. And that meant embracing time alone, a season of complete solitude. Transforming on my own wasn’t my first choice, but it’s grown to be my most treasured. Being alone showed me that I could shed, release & outgrow anything, including my old ways and bad habits, that didn’t serve me well.”
– After the Rain by Alex Elle

God is truly intentional. And sometimes he will send signs to reaffirm his intention in your life and his intention for your life. 

I became inspired to write this post last week. However, as I laid in bed Saturday night reading After the Rain (excerpt above), God reaffirmed my blog post as well as my current feelings and place in life. I hope Alex Elle’s words resonate with you as much as they did with me. And if nothing else, I hope my following words can touch you in some way. 

Currently, I have been focused on my current place in life and this has included resting (as mentioned in my previous blog) and embracing time alone. It isn’t always comfortable being alone and honestly with covid-19 it is even more uncomfortable. But you can not grow in comfort and it is necessary to take time for yourself, no matter where you are in your life. I know God is calling me to heal and to grow in this season right now and that means I have to be uncomfortable to carry on.

As mentioned above, being alone can produce revelations. Sometimes you have to take a step back & reevaluate everything and to view situations with a new perspective. You can’t keep blaming everyone and everything else for your troubles, sadness, disappointment, and the list of emotions continues. Everyone else can’t always be the problem or the root cause. Sometimes you have to look at the common denominator. Sometimes you have to look at YOU. You have to call yourself out on your bad habits and ways. Not only must you call yourself out, but you must also look at how you can evolve and grow. Reevaluation is not meant to be a pity party, okay? But it is a time for you to face uncomfortable truths and use these truths to fuel how you act moving forward.

Once you have evaluated yourself and see things for what they truly you are, then you just have to accept things for what they are. This is easier said than done, trust. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you haven’t learned from these past scenarios, situations, moments. But acceptance does mean that you can call yourself out for YOUR wrongdoing and make a conscious effort to not repeat the same behavior moving forward if possible. And it means accepting the past for what it is. We can’t live in the past AND the present, we will always be stuck in the past. We have to forgive ourselves and move forward. We can take a moment to acknowledge the past but we must recognize we can not stay there in that moment, in the past. Sometimes it is uncomfortable to really look at past relationships and situations and point out your own flaws, bad habits and ways. But if you can’t be real with yourself, who really can?

We can not always sugarcoat things, especially not with ourselves. Because if we are not being honest, then we will never see a problem until it’s too late. And we have to be able to acknowledge and accept that we can’t go back in time to fix things, we can only focus on the now and how we move forward.

I am in a season of solidarity & evaluation. And as I reflect on situations and relationships that didn’t always go my way, I also see how I played a part in the downfall or demise. If anyone is reading this that I have ever hurt in any way shape or form, I truly apologize. I am not perfect and I don’t think I have everything all figured out. But I am processing towards the woman God has called me to be and he is allowing me to see these truths revealed.

Acceptance is not always pretty, but it is so necessary on the journey of healing and growth. So I first challenge you all to take some time for you. It’s okay to have moments to yourself. It’s okay to reflect on YOU and make a conscious effort to grow and evolve. Redefining your sense of self can be challenging and that is okay. Everything isn’t mean to be a piece of cake or a walk in the park. And continuing on difficult journeys make the reward that much worthwhile. I’m still on my journey and loving every moment of it, even the uncomfortableness I feel now. Love on yourselves a little harder today and see how you can evaluate & reevaluate yourself to evolve into the person God has called you to be!